….and Working Girl has been thinking about her mom (hope you are thinking about yours).
Workwise, Anita Bruzzese was way ahead of everyone–in her post on April 2nd she blogged about the enduring influence our mothers have on our lives and how it plays out in our work (WG has been mulling this over ever since).
Which all started with the book ”The Mother Factor: How Your Mother’s Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life” by Stephan B. Poulter. For instance, if your mother was a perfectionist you may now have difficulty handling feedback at work.
Hmmm. Interesting.
Other possibilities: If your mother focused on appearance over substance, you may in adulthood be the kind of manager who makes decisions based on your own popularity, not on what is the right thing to do. If your mom preferred to be your best friend, as opposed to your mother, you may now not have the discipline to complete projects, or even get to work on time. If your mother saw you as an extension of herself, you may have chosen a career based on what she wants and you may now be living her life, not yours.
But, no, Anita is not blaming moms for anyone’s current problems and neither is Working Girl (we’re not sure about Mr. Poulter). Wasn’t it dear old mom who gave you your first job (picking up your room)?
In WG’s case, it was her mom who launched her into the world of work. At the tender age of 12, WG’s mom got her a job cleaning house for the neighbors. Better than it sounds! Earning her own pocket money gave WG a taste of autonomy and independence. It was intoxicating.
She liked earning her own money because it meant getting to decide how to spend it, too. So cool.
Whether your mother was a good example, or otherwise, she helped make you what you are today. Now’s a good time to say thanks.
To all moms: Happy Mother’s Day! Your job is the most important one of all.
Posted: May 9th, 2008 under role models, career advice.
Comments: 4 | Posted By: Karen Burns
What’s a slash?
It’s when you are a lawyer/actor. An engineer/pastry chef. A biologist/photographer. An executive/master gardener. A teacher/dancer. A technical writer/blues singer/community activist.
That’s right, kids. You don’t have to have just one career anymore! You can have two. Or three.
If you do, you get to exercise all the facets of your brain and personality. You never get bored. And you may be ensuring yourself a lot more job and financial security.
If this intrigues you, run out right now and get Marci Alboher’s great book, “One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success.”
Working Girl reads a lot of career books (so you don’t have to). Their tones range from self-congratulation to rah-rah to I-am-much-smarter-than-you-so-just-do-what-I-say. What WG liked best about Marci’s book is its engaging and appealing and accessible and friendly voice. She makes you feel that you can do it! The many examples are fun to read and inspiring. Bravo.
(Also, check out Marci’s blog, Shifting Careers, over at the NYT.)
Posted: May 8th, 2008 under looks at books.
Comments: 2 | Posted By: Karen Burns
New research reports that the older you get the happier you are, according to this AP article from a couple weeks back.
In fact, your odds of being happy go up 5% percent for every 10 years of age. Aging expert Linda George concludes it’s partly because older people have learned to lower their expectations.
Which makes Working Girl kind of sad. So she has thought of some other reasons for why older is happier:
- It’s not that older people are so happy, it’s that young people are so unhappy. It’s hard to be an adult! And takes some getting used to.
- Older people have had more practice. They’ve tried and failed and tried again until they’ve reached a life balance that pleases them.
- Maybe people who aren’t happy tend not to live long enough to get old?!
- Society has fewer expectations of older people. Young people, on the other hand, have much pressure put on them, from their teachers and parents and employers and even from the dang government. Young people are always having to prove themselves. Old people are freer to just be.
- Older people are less worried about sex. They are either no longer having sex or have found one reliable sexual partner. Young people are always looking for people to have sex with or worrying they’re having too much or not enough sex.
- In general, older people have more money than younger people. Money means security, which means more happiness.
Depressed yet? Just remember, if you’re young you are probably the most beautiful and most healthy and most energetic you will ever be. If you are childless, you are still unfettered enough to throw yourself into big adventures. If you make mistakes, you have more time to fix them. Live it up!
If you’re old: Live it up, too! Just be careful. You might strain something.
Posted: May 7th, 2008 under life at work, kids nowadays.
Comments: 8 | Posted By: Karen Burns
Okay, here are some more ideas on job hunting for SFgirl (see yesterday’s post). These are things not to do:
1. Don’t quit your job. You want to be job hunting from a position of strength. Yes, this is a cliché but the reason it’s a cliché is because it’s true! Being desperate for work because you need the money automatically makes you a less attractive candidate. People can smell desperation. It’s a turn-off.
2. Don’t wait for a clear path. If you catch yourself saying, ”Well, I can’t call so-and-so until I get a haircut” or “I don’t have time to look for a job because I’m too busy with my current job” (see above), realize that those thoughts are just obstacles your mind is throwing out because it’s scary to do all this networking and cold-calling and interviewing. Successful people don’t wait for everything to be perfect before they act. Act, and make course corrections as you go along. If people waited for a clear path, they’d never do anything!
3. Don’t slack off at your current job. Negativity only spawns more negativity. Inject some positive energy (even if you have to force yourself) into your daily work and you will feel better about yourself and your life. And, who knows, some good might come of it.
4. Don’t assume a “no” is forever a no. What about those two offers in February? Were those positions filled? Even if they were, a lot of times a new employee doesn’t work out. Maybe the positions will become open again. If these were attractive offers to you, keep in touch with that company and those managers. If they wanted you once, they will want you again.
5. Don’t spend tons of time on those job boards. Statistically, they are the least likely way to get a job. Most jobs are obtained through networking and personal contacts. Another true cliché: It IS who you know!
6. Don’t do one thing at a time. If you get an interview, don’t stop your job hunt while you’re waiting to see what will come of it. Get out there and set up more interviews. You want to give off a vibe of being “in demand.” Having lots of irons in the fire is the way to do this.
Job hunting is just that–hunting. Think of a beautiful tigress stalking through the jungle. That’s you. A good hunter is flexible, inventive, and persistent.
One final little thought: Remember that there are many paths to success. A method that worked for someone else may not work for you. Try lots of different approaches, all at the same time. Make it fun.
So get busy and good luck! And keep in touch.
Posted: May 6th, 2008 under job hunting, ask Working Girl.
Comments: 2 | Posted By: Karen Burns
SFgirl writes:
Hi Working Girl,
As you know I’ve commented before and love your site. I feel the need to cry every single day I’m at work–literally I’m dying and melting inside. This job hunt has been insanely frustrating–I have highs/lows–I had two offers in Feb but the timing was bad being in the middle of preparing for exams. I’m not learning anything and I come home feeling defeated. I can’t sit still and read a book without thinking each day I’m wasting my life at a job that doesn’t value my commitment and ambition for more responsibility.
The people in my office aren’t helpful. I told this one woman in my office I had to take a pay cut for a job she suggested in our other offices and as if $33K a year isn’t low enough, I’d have to drop down to $25K inthe Bay Area.
I’ve completed my exams so I have a lot more knowledge than I started.
My job search seems to have hit a snag. Maybe my machine gun approach isn’t working–applying for jobs that are relevant on job boards. I check the job boards every single day–several of them. I network but maybe my approach is wrong.
Any suggestions on finding a job? I’ve tried looking for names on LinkedIn at companies I’m interested in but I’m getting the person’s voice mail. I look up recruiters’ names at some of these companies and call them but get the voice mail. The people in my industry know I’m looking and have my resume on their file. I volunteer and organize educational seminars for our industry group. I’ve registered my own personal domain and started blogging. Should I be more open on my website about looking for a position? I don’t think my company will care if they find out I’m looking but I’m not sure if being public is a good thing–my boss told me if I wanted more responsibility to look elsewhere.
Sorry for the super long rant and desperate plea for help. I just don’t want to sit at work twiddling my thumbs.
Best, SFgirl
Dear SFgirl,
What a great letter. One thing it does is emphasize how very important work is. You are “dying and melting inside” because your job isn’t right for you. Working Girl has had her fair share of those sorts of jobs and can say she knows exactly how you feel!
A lot of what you’re doing is right: you’re volunteering and networking, you’re putting yourself out there with your blog. Keep doing those things. You never know when a connection will click. Here are some other things you could do:
1. Make a list of the companies where you think you’d like to work. Then get creative. How could you get an “in” to these companies? Tell everyone you know you’d like to talk with someone working at those places and when you find them, take them out for coffee. Turn on the charm and get all the info out of them you can (is the company planning any new ventures, what problems/challenges is this company facing, who are the people with the power to hire, etc.). Also: don’t limit it to just people who work there. Consider talking with customers of the companies. Or competitors.
2. From this you should get two things: (a) great insider info on your target companies, and (b) a list of the people you need to get to know.
3. Take that great insider info and analyze it. How could you apply your skills and experience to the needs of these companies? Come up with some concrete ideas. Even if it turns out later that your ideas need tweaking (they will), the act of thinking of them will make you a more powerful and confident candidate.
4. Then take that list of contacts and find a way to approach them. You can cold call. You can write them a letter and ask for 15 minutes of their time. You can comment on their blogs (if they blog). You can attend an event you know they also attend. You can angle an “in” with them through some third party (if you find you know someone they also know).
5. When you’ve got their attention, bring up some of your ideas. This should intrigue them. You are offering them help! Who doesn’t love that? From there it’s a hop, skip and a job to start talking about employment opportunities.
This is all a lot of work. But Working Girl has read your blog and knows you are a smart, organized, and capable woman. You are the kind of person who can create a game plan and identify the daily steps to take to implement that plan. Do something every day. Even if it’s a small thing. It will move you toward your goal AND make you feel a lot better about your current life and job.
Tomorrow: A few things not to do.
Posted: May 5th, 2008 under job hunting, ask Working Girl.
Comments: 4 | Posted By: Karen Burns
And then there are those times when it’s not you doing the rejecting. It’s, ulp, the other way around. For a quick pick-you-up, read this:
- The first Harry Potter book was rejected by 12 publishers.
- Decca Records turned down a contract with the Beatles (they didn’t like “their sound”).
- Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity basketball team sophomore year.
- At Julie Andrews’s first screen test she was determined not photogenic enough for film.
- Walt Disney was once fired by a newspaper editor who said he “lacked imagination.”
(These are from a recent WSJ article by Melinda Beck. Thanks, Melinda.)
You’re probably feeling better because these stories prove that (1) a lot of rejections are stupid, and (2) even wildly successful people get rejected.
And Working Girl hopes you’ve got the point that it’s not the rejection that matters. What matters is what you do after the rejection. For instance, you could:
Analyze the rejection. Could you or your work use improvement? Maybe so! Make it happen.
Assess the rejector. Is the rejector qualified to pass judgment on you or your work? Maybe not! Sometimes it really isn’t you, it’s them. Related point: “form” rejections tell you very little (i.e., the one-sentence kiss-off letter). Treat these with the contempt they deserve.
Air your grievances. To your cat. Your journal. Your loved ones. Cry, whine, rant. Get it out, then forget it.
Act positively on your own behalf. Exercise. Take in a movie. Go dancing. Read a good book, or a good blog.
Achieve. Yeah, go out there and prove them wrong. Succeed anyway.
And, while WG is going nuts with the letter A, appreciate what you already have that’s good, associate with people who love and support you, and aspire to be the best you can be regardless of what the rejectors say.
Meanwhile, have an awesome and amazing weekend…….
Posted: May 2nd, 2008 under career advice, job hunting.
Comments: 2 | Posted By: Karen Burns
Not to be outdone by the fabulous Jill Walser, Working Girl had a few thoughts of her own on Edna’s reference dilemma:
1. WG is betting that you’re job-hunting in a relatively small field. Therefore, your references probably are already aware you’re still looking. Anyway, you’re keeping up with them, aren’t you? If you got a job they would logically be among the first people you’d tell. You want them to know you’re still looking because they are a source of potential job leads! No need to worry that a reference check will only “remind” them.
2. If you feel your references are being called upon too often, can you widen your reference base? Say, have twelve references and only give out three names at a time?
3. So now you’re wondering: Where am I going to find all those references? Reminder: The “ideal” set of references is one superior, one peer, and one subordinate. Have you included former subordinates in your reference pool? Many people forget about this. Also you can use clients, peers from outside work (do you/have you serve(d) on any boards?), colleagues who have since retired, even “competitors.”
4. A question: Do you know if these potential employers are actually calling your references at such an early stage, or are they just asking for the names so they can check off the “references” box on their to-do lists? You might want to talk about this with one or two of your references to get a feel for what’s happening. Definitely, Jill’s advice to “just say no” is where you’re headed here.
5. While you’re at it, why don’t you ask your references if they mind not knowing precisely when “the call” will come. It seems to Working Girl that it wouldn’t matter to most people if they were contacted this week or three months from now. It’s not like they’re waiting by the phone……
And please remember, Edna, that the references part of your job hunt is a small part. You have a lot more going for you than “endorsements.” Why not put them in the back of your mind? Set your brain to work on your potential employers’ problems and how you might solve them. Think how blown away they would be if, in the interview, you remarked, “I’ve been thinking. I know one of the big challenges being faced by XYZ Corporation is (fill in the blank). Here’s what I believe could be done to address that issue.”
They would be blown away. They wouldn’t even notice if you had references or not…….
Posted: May 1st, 2008 under career advice, job hunting, ask Working Girl.
Comments: 2 | Posted By: Karen Burns
Edna writes in with this burning question:
Dear Working Girl,
I am applying for jobs and EVERY SINGLE POTENTIAL EMPLOYER is asking for my references upfront. Let me enumerate the things that are wrong with this approach.
- As singular and special as employers demanding references may believe themselves to be, most of us unemployed types are applying for a LOT of jobs. That is called “being smart.” That also means, however, repeatedly asking our references if they are still willing to serve. And reminding them each and every time we start a new round of applications. This is so they aren’t caught off-guard, don’t splutter and sound like idiots, and don’t make us sound like idiots, either.
- If my references are submitted at the get-go, I can’t tell any of them WHEN or even WHETHER to expect a call, because who knows at what point in the screening process that any calls will be made? When it takes three months or more to hire, as many of the jobs I’ve applied for have done, that window of “reference preparedness” is far too long.
- References should not be called upon, at all, until an applicant is a finalist. Potential employers who call them before that, instead of doing the work of properly screening the resume and conducting an interview first, are both lazy and abusive of my references’ good will.
- I very much NEED my references’ good will.
- I’d rather not participate in a joint practice that keeps reminding my references that I have not found a job yet. After all, my references are supposed to be vouching for my employability.
- Many applicants are currently employed, and may need to list their colleagues as references. Having to ask these folks for referrals is pretty risky unless there’s a strong possibility that one will get the new job.
- It is never polite to ask more than one is willing to give. I’ve already sweated bullets crafting a customized resume and a well-written cover letter. Unless an employer commits to seriously considering me, it is wrong to ask that I seriously invest any more of my own resources in return–especially not the very valuable resource of people who are willing to vouch for me.
(Note: Jill Walser of “I Got The Job!” has generously agreed to answer this question. Here’s Jill……)
Dear Edna,
The adorable Working Girl has requested that I address your references question from the perspective of a former corporate and agency recruiter. I’m not privy to your industry or particular situation, so I’ll address the matter purely from the recruiter’s point of view.
First, treat your references list with the same care that you treat your credit card numbers. Identity theft and privacy abuse are real risks. Never put your references on job boards or send them with your resume when applying for jobs. Only disclose them to employers with whom you’ve fallen in love–AFTER the first interview, when you think you’d like to work there. They may ask in advance. Who cares? As a corporate recruiter, I’ve never avoided a candidate because they didn’t fork over their references immediately. I actually consider it revealing of a candidate’s judgment and ability to recognize an unreasonable request. It’s a bit of a game, like salary negotiation. I can understand why some recruiters would request references upfront. They may have been burned in the past when presenting candidates with weak references to the hiring manager and want to avoid a similar situation. They may be getting their ducks in a row for a demanding or time-strapped manager. They may just think they’re “supposed” to get them in advance. Regardless, this is personal information and should be treated as such, in as graceful a manner as possible. “I’ll zip my references over to you the second I learn I’m a finalist. Can’t wait to get that call!” or “Gosh, it seems I’ve left my references in my other briefcase. I’ll send them over as soon as I find out I’m the top candidate!” or “My ex-boss Joe said he’d be happy to provide a reference. I’ll email his contact information as soon as we’re at that point.” Smile and change the subject.
If you have several irons in the fire, one strategy to avoid over-burdening your references with phone calls is to ask them for a letter of reference. Offer to write it for their signature if they agree but don’t produce one. Try to get it on letterhead. Having letters of reference available will help you to appear organized and well liked. Note: In the future try to get this task done before you leave the job. How do you do this without spilling the beans that you’re looking for another job? Say you have a volunteer opportunity and the agency wants to check your references in advance. Better yet–actually pursue a volunteer job where you get to do something that’s a bit of a stretch for you. It’s good karma, great experience, and lovely networking occurs when you’re working alongside other volunteers. Another great time to ask for a reference letter is when your boss is leaving the company. Even when your boss is just moving departments, it’s easy to say, “We’ve had such a great working relationship, and I’ll miss working alongside you. Could you write a letter so that in five years when one of us leaves the company it will be easy to remember my accomplishments in this role?” When you actually announce your departure some time later, ensure that your manager is still willing to serve as a reference, remind them of the fabulous letter they wrote, and you’re all set.
At the end of the interview, if you’re pretty sure you’re interested, you can show your prospective employer the original reference letters. At your discretion, provide a copy of the letter or offer to email one if you need to buy some time. Pleasantly ask the recruiter or hiring manager to make the reference check call when you’re the final candidate. They’ll already have the letters, so that should tide them over.
Another consideration regarding reference letters is that many agency recruiters and headhunters use reference sheets as shopping lists. You’ve provided the name, job title, direct number and email address of decision makers and potential ”steals” that they’ve been searching for for months, how nice of you! Sure, they’ll call your references and talk about you, but their objective is also to talk up their agency’s services or a fabulous opportunity with your reference’s competitor. If a recruiter won’t set you up on interviews without seeing your references, that’s a red flag that they are shopping your references list.
Best of luck, Edna!
That was super, Jill. Thanks. Working Girl will share her thoughts on all this tomorrow…..
Posted: April 30th, 2008 under career advice, job hunting, ask Working Girl.
Comments: 2 | Posted By: Karen Burns
I’ll show you mine.”
Which is apparently, according to Alex Williams in this Sunday NYT story, what the “new generation” of workers known as the Millennials is doing.
When it comes to salary, that is.
According to Williams the old bugaboo of “never tell people how much you earn” is not a problem for twenty-somethings, who “consider frank talk about income a valuable tool.” They claim that comparing what you make to what others make can be “crucial.” You can tell better if you’re under (or over) paid. It helps tremendously when you’re negotiating salary during interviews and at raise time. Sounds pretty obvious, actually…..
Yet the article implies shock! dismay! concern! at such rampant openness and honesty. Yes, controversy is the lifeblood of journalism, but is this “news” really so alarming?
Indeed, Working Girl wonders if sharing salary info is really such a sea-change after all. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and WG was twenty-something-ish, she and all her cohorts told each other how much they earned. It didn’t seem like a big deal. Maybe because we weren’t making diddly-squat? Maybe because we hadn’t yet been bitten in the butt by telling too much about ourselves? Maybe because at that age, before you’ve formed families of your own, your friends are your family?
If it is a sea-change, then WG says, Go to it. It was a stupid rule anyway. More information, rather than less, is better. Companies that encourage/require you to keep your salary a secret do it to protect them, not you. What better way to determine your market value than to compare your compensation with that of others doing the same thing?
Always realizing, of course, that jealousy happens. If someone tells you her salary and asks you to keep it private, then certainly do so. And with money, as with the rest of life, it never hurts to keep in mind this little gem from Quintus Septimius Florens Tertullianus:
“The first reaction to truth is hatred.”
Posted: April 29th, 2008 under money, honey, life at work, kids nowadays, career advice, job hunting.
Comments: 7 | Posted By: Karen Burns
Okay, so it’s Monday and you’re thinking, “Boy, I sure could use some cheering up.”
Yet at the same time you realize that it’s impossible to feel truly cheered up on a Monday. It’s what we in the biz call a contradiction in terms.
That’s why Working Girl is pleased to pass on to you a new way to feel depressed and cheered up at the very same time. Just sashay on over to Despair Inc. and check out their revolutionary (their word) line of “demotivational” products. Heck, you can’t feel less motivated than you feel right now! May as well wallow in it.
Some sample demotivators:
CONSISTENCY: It’s only a virtue if you’re not a screw-up.
GIVE UP: At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.
INSPIRATION: Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.
MISTAKES: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
TRADITION: Just because you’ve always done it that way doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly stupid.
Bet you’re feeling better already…..
Posted: April 28th, 2008 under life at work.
Comments: 5 | Posted By: Karen Burns
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