Your mom was right.  If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

Substitute “smart” for “nice”  and you can apply this to the workplace.  For more specific advice, and seven examples of what NOT to say, check out today’s post over at U. S. News.

While you’re at it, don’t forget to take a look at last week’s post on 50 of the Worst (and Most Common) Job Interview Mistakes.  It got picked up on Yahoo and sort of struck a chord.  It inspired agreement, questions, some criticism, and even humor.  Need a laugh?  Check out MisfitWisdom‘s “helpful” additions to some of the 50 not-to-do’s. 

Finally, while we are discussing all things U.S. News, if you missed “How to Answer 10 Tricky Interview Questions,” it’s worth skimming (some) of the 300 comments.  Yikes.

A loyal reader writes with this intriguing dilemma:

How do you respond when a manager says they understand your job can be a bit boring and repetitive?  This conversation was at an informal networking event.  I responded by saying it’s challenging in some aspects but there are interesting parts.  Is it okay to admit it is boring? 

Ah, those tricky little “innocent” questions.  You can make yourself crazy with them.  It’s hard not to feel you’re being tested.

In fact, what you actually said was a pretty good answer.

Do you want more of a response than that?  Yes?  Okay, try to keep in mind that Most Of The Time, when people are making chitchat at events, they are doing it with half a brain.  If that.  They are just talking for the sake of talking. 

But say this manager was asking because he’s really interested.  You of course have no idea why.  Maybe someone else asked him about the tasks performed at your level and he’s trying to ferret out some information.  Maybe he used to do what you do and he wants to talk about old times.  Maybe, wonder of wonders, he’s noticed your fabulousness, wants to promote you, and needs to know if you’re interested.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.  (Cue screaming and tearing out of hair.)

You can’t really know what’s in this person’s head.  All you can do is to manage the moment.  Here are two general rules: First, please always remember that you should never need to lie to please someone.  And, second, keep in mind that just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer it.  You can handle a situation like this numerous ways.

For example, you can give him a smile of recognition, as if to say, “You know and I know this is a deadly dull job but I’m not going to come right out and admit it,” and then go on to say something blandly diplomatic about how you understand that all tasks, no matter their level, are important to a company and should be done well.  (Note: Smiling before answering any question is always a good way to stall for time while formulating an answer.)

Or you can pull the old politician’s trick of not-answering-the-question-the-person-actually-asked-but-answering-the-question-you-wish-he-had-asked.  What do you want this manager to know about  you?  That you are eager for promotion?  Then you could just say, “Speaking of jobs, I’ve heard good things about your department–specifically about X, which is an area I’m really interested in.”

The most important thing to remember:  When networking with the upper-ups, look relaxed and confident.  You don’t actually have to be relaxed and confident.  You just have to look it. 

(True, it does all sound rather political.  But whaddya gonna do?)

How to work well as part of a team is this week’s offering over at U.S. News. 

See “listening,” “showing appreciation,” “sharing credit,” and the rest.  It’s actually not rocket science.  But let’s face it.  We forget.

Bonus:  Advice applies to life, as well as work.  A twofer!

Working Girl was reorganizing her bookcase the other day (doesn’t happen often) and ran across a small, thin, blue hardback that had been a gift from a friend years ago.  The title is ”The School of Manners.”  Originally published in 1701, it’s a handbook advising children how to behave and was apparently widely distributed at the time.

It covers behavior at church, home, school, at the table, and “in discourse.”  There’s also a neat little chapter called “Rules for Behavior in Company.”  Read it and you may be amazed at how little our idea of polite behavior has changed in the last 308 years.  That and the reverse–what strikes us as rude in 2009 we also found rude in 1701.  It’s quite comforting, really.

Anyway, since this is a season of heightened socializing for many of us, WG decided to copy it here, as a sort of public service.  It all pretty much applies to office Christmas parties, except maybe the bits about bowing.  And spitting.

1.  Enter not into the Company of Superiors without command or calling, nor without a bow.

2.  Sit not down in presence of Superiors without bidding. 

3.  Put not thy hand in the presence of others to any part of thy body not ordinarily discovered.

4.  Sing not nor hum in thy mouth while thou art in company.

5.  Play not wantonly like a Mimick with thy Fingers or Feet.

6.  Stand not wriggling with thy body hither and thither, but steady and upright.

7.  In coughing or sneezing make as little noise as possible.

8.  If thou cannot avoid yawning, shut thy Mouth with thine Hand or Handkerchief before it, turning thy Face aside.

9.  When thou blowest thy Nose, let thy Handkerchief be used, and make not a noise in so doing.

10. Gnaw not thy Nails, pick them not, nor bite them with thy Teeth.

11. Spit not in the Room, but in a corner, and rub it out with thy Foot, or rather go out and do it abroad.

12. Lean not upon the Chair of a Superior, standing behind him.

13. Spit not upon the fire, nor sit too wide with thy Knees at it.

14. Sit not with thy legs crossed, but keep them firm and settled, and thy Feet even.

15. Turn not thy back to any, but place thy self conveniently, that none be behind thee.

16. Read not Letters, Books, nor other Writings in Company, unless there be necessity, and thou ask leave.

17. Touch not nor look upon the Books or Writing of any one, unless the Owner invite or desire thee.

18. Come not near when another Reads a Letter or Paper.

19. Let thy Countenance be moderately cheerful, neither laughing nor frowning.

20. Laugh not aloud, but silently Smile upon occasion.

21. Walking with thy Superior in the house or Garden, give him the upper or right hand, and walk not just even with him cheek by jowl, but a little behind him, yet not so distant as that it shall be troublesome to him to speak to thee, or hard for thee to hear.

22. Look not boldly or wishfully in the Face of thy Superior.

23. To look upon one in company and immediately whisper to another is unmannerly.

24. Stand not before Superiors with thine hands in thy pockets, scratch not thy Head, wink not with thine Eyes, but thine Eyes modestly looking straight before thee, and thine Hands behind thee.

25. Be not among Equals froward and fretful, but gentle and affable.

26. Whisper not in company.

May you have a gentle and affable holiday season, and may you even silently smile upon occasion.  And if you ever master #21, let WG know.

Okay, so this post over at U.S. News appeared on Wednesday and here it is Friday, but WG has been out of town and is just now catching up.

It’s, unsurprisingly for the season, all about why and how we should be making room for a little gratitude in our lives.

Hope you’ve having a great weekend!

Yes, a job, even a job you are grateful to have, can stress you out so much it makes you ill.  Or keeps you up at night.  Or drives you crazy.  Or makes you sad.  Or all of the above.

If that’s your situation, see this post for some ideas for handling adversity at work.  And, hang in there.

Okay, so you still have a job.  Yay!

But your boss is a bully.  Or lazy.  Or incompetent.  Or racist.  Or a lech.  Or……just a bad boss. 

Boo.

If so, check out today’s regular Wednesday post over at U.S. News & World Report.  There just might be something there that helps.

You spend a lot of time at work.  Like, the majority of your waking hours.  So if you’re not happy there, that’s bad.  If you’re happy at work you are a better employee, making you harder to replace, leading to–tah dah!–greater job security.

Happiness is important for lots of other reasons, too.

Here are 9 concrete, doable tips for how to be happier at your job.  Try a couple.  Or all.  And then report back.

Some encouraging, and some surprising, numbers from the Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project (comments f/WG):

Older adults are staying in the workforce longer, while younger people are delaying their careers.  (Are young people having trouble entering a workforce dominated by oldsters?)

Most older people aren’t keeping jobs because they need the money, but because they want to work.  Only about half who retire do so because they want to; the rest go either because of health reasons or because they feel “forced out.”  (Have older people reached some sort of work nirvana that younger workers should envy?)

Younger people are staying in school longer, or are discouraged at not being able to find a job.  In 2000, 66% of young people (aged 16-24) had jobs.  Now it is 57%.  (Because they’re not looking hard enough?  Because everyone tells them, Stay in school?  Because older people are hogging all the jobs?)

Unlike older workers, younger & middle-aged workers say they work primarily for the money.  (Giving younger workers something to look forward and/or aspire to–working for the love of it!)

59% of women work; 72% of men work.  (Huh.  Thought these numbers would be higher.)

This 72% figure for men is a new low.  In fact, the proportion of American men who work has dropped every decade since the Bureau of Labor Statistics starting keeping records in 1948.  (Yikes.  What are men doing instead?  Thought: the proportion of women who work has increased since 1948.  Are they supporting the men?)

In this recession men lost two-thirds of all the jobs that were lost.  (Because firing men, who make higher salaries, saves more money?  Because women are more valuable workers?  More likely: industries dominated by men were hardest hit by recession.)

Most people prefer a job that offers high security over one that pays more but is less secure.  (There will actually be some people who are surprised at this.)

However, nine of ten adults say they are either completely or mostly happy with their jobs.  (In light of all the above, this is a hard number to believe!  But it’s a nice thought…..)

It’s too true luck plays a big factor in most life successes. 

Which could be depressing if it weren’t also true that you can learn to be lucky.  For some hints on how, check out today’s post over at U.S. News & World Report.

(Be sure to read all the way to the end.)