Who’s The Boss?
Intriguing article on Tuesday in the good old Wall St. Journal: “Advice for Women on Developing a Leadership Style.”
The angle is that it’s difficult for women to learn how to manage others because we don’t have role models and we want to be seen as ”nice.”
True. Of course, being the boss doesn’t come naturally to men either. In Working Girl’s observation, for a long time U.S. industry relied on leadership skills taught to men who served in WWII. When this generation started to die out, so did a good management style.
So the first piece of advice WG would offer a young woman thrown into a position of responsibility is not to assume that if she were a man it would all be easier. It would just be different.
The second piece of advice: Keep in mind that your subordinates are just as afraid of you as you are of them. In fact, your minions aren’t thinking of you at all. They’re thinking of themselves and their job security.
Number three: It doesn’t matter if people think you are “nice.” What matters is that they feel they can rely on you to be a sane, consistent, fair, responsible manager.
Four: Feel free to put on a mask. Even though you may in fact be a quivering gelatinous ball of anxiety, force yourself to look confident. You can do it! Pretend you are an actor playing a role. Eventually the role will become real. The goal? Project an aura of quiet strength.
People love quiet strength. It makes them feel secure and happy and relaxed. Fake it until you make it.
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The “act as if” strategy really does work if people let it.
Back in my cubicle days, I worked in a department where there were two managers — one male, one female — who were equally inconsistent, insane, irresponsible, and unreliable. When Ms. Manager was in spasmodic mode, something about her hormones usually entered the mutterings. When Mr. Manager was in spasmodic mode we just muttered about the craziness of it all. We accepted he was nuts. For her, though, we demanded a reason. Yikes! Ick! I get the heebies when I recollect that I colluded with stereotypes that way.
Something about the advice in this WSJ article is bugging me, but I can’t wrap words around it. It left me with the nagging question that’s something like, what will it take for women’s leadership styles to become normal and accepted? Wish I had the answer.
Not to be gloomy, but I don’t think that women as leaders will be considered “normal and accepted” in our lifetimes, Melissa.
Maybe not ever.
So I don’t bother to hope for it. Why waste the energy?! Just carry on, living our lives, leading, and succeeding—thumbing our noses at all those who say it can’t be done!
Nyah, nyah.
Thanks for pointing out the WSJ article. It wasn’t bad, but didn’t seem to have a lot of meat in it. I know that “wanting to be nice” management pitfall, though…and it’s fine if you want to be buddies, but not if you want to be taken seriously by your subordinates, either male or female.
And having said that, I think your third piece of advice may be the most important one, WG.
I had one experience with a woman who was my boss during my career. This individual was smart, hard working and capable – unfortunately, she was hired for her particular job to meet diversity objectives for her bosses, and not because she was qualified for this particular job. She came on strong, accepted no “crap” from anyone, even if crap meant “hey- try it this way, it might be better”, and eventually, after burning her way through all her best people, was summarily dumped by her new boss. She didn’t have a chance – she was intimidated by being a woman in a job like this, in a very conservative industry, and she was not well accepted. As for me, I was very senior, and completely happy to have anyone of any sex, race, creed, color or place of national origin as my boss, as long as they knew what they were doing. It turned out to be an unhappy experience for all, and not her fault, but this illustrates the problems that some women can have as they move into senior management positions.
Dino, in his last employment experience, had two lady bosses. The first was outstanding. I never felt we were subordinate and boss. She never played her boss card with me. She knew she held all the trump cards and never needed to play one. Together we worked on a case before the National Labor Relations Board. We won our case. I always showed her respect which she returned. She was always on top of her game, kept current, always able to quote chapter, line and verse from: labor law, current best practice in the field of HR, well read in the literature and able to discern the difference between “flash and fad” and substance, in practice and people. She was competance personified and had the respect of all who dealt with her. When her superior, Mr. X, was called to Corporate Hq. for anything he always took her along. Those at Corporate used to say, but not in Mr. X’s hearing, “I see Mr. X brought his brains.” Mr. X was no slouch himself although I once witnessed the Chief Engineer preparing to deck him during a stand up meeting. The second lady who was my boss arrived at her position through politics; at first she couldn’t find her rear end with both hands, a map, and a personal tour guide. At one meeting she saw fit for reasons unknown to me to set me up and publicly cut me off at the knees. It took me a long time to begin to respect her. She did some of the dumbest things you can imagine. But in due course, being a really smart lady, she did indeed gain my grudging respect and that of others she jumped over to get the job. Accordingly, I agree with WG that “not in our life time” will we see Women in leadership positions as “normal and accepted.” “Accepted” yes, but not “normal.” I fear it is as noted by the WSJ, not enough roll models yet. But one more generation ought to see it become “normal,” too. At least, I hope so. I’d work for the first lady or any of her ilk in a heartbeat. As for men as leaders coming out of the WWII military there were many who didn’t return. There were way too many leaders who, when their bodies were recovered, were found to have bullet holes on both sides. The best historic military example of leadership that I like is that of John Phillip Sousa. He was a leader’s leader. He took a group of ordinary/average musicians he inherited when he took over the Marine Band and lead them to performaces way over and above their heads to their collective National acclaim and fame, and he fairly earned the undying admiration and respect of his men. There’s a role model.
One good point (among many) you make, Dino, is that a good boss is a boss who knows her stuff. People will not respect an inept superior. It is, in a way, humiliating to work for someone you are way smarter than. (Bad syntax, but you know what I mean!)
Reminder: “Fake it until you make it” doesn’t mean faking competence.
It means faking confidence.
Major difference.
I know what it’s like working for people who not only were inept, but too lazy to do anything about it.
Leadership, though is not just a job description: it’s a skill that can and must be learned. Now that I’m about to become a supervisor myself, I’m keenly aware of the fact that I now need to put my money where my mouth is! I need mentors, good advice, and even intend to take some non-credit coursework over the next couple of months to develop the compentencies that are most needed for this particular job.
Competence helps breed confidence. It also, I hope, will help keep me in the game, not just for this position but the one that comes after it. In the meanwhile, yes, I’ll definitely be doing my own fair share of fakin’!!