How To Deal With Rejection
Almostgotit’s job search–the ups, the downs, and her thoughtful response to it all–has made Working Girl think about rejection and how to deal with it. Twenty suggestions:
1. Pout. Go into a room by yourself, feel miserable, and cry (keep this activity to under 20 minutes).
2. Treat yourself. A massage, an evening out, a new pair of earrings. Only stuff you can afford.
3. Throw a fit. Allow yourself a lovely little tantrum. In private. Beat up some pillows or sofa cushions. Let ‘em have it.
4. Get yerself some love. Talk it out with a close understanding friend, family member, or loved one. Let them comfort you.
5. Vent. Write it out in your journal, on your blog. If you’re a songwriter, write a song. If you’re a poet, write a poem. If you’re a painter, paint a painting.
6. Get mad. Resolve to redouble your efforts. Get even by succeeding! Those sorry b*****ds! They’ll regret they missed out on fabulous you!
7. Sweat. Do something physically vigorous–running, biking, swimming. At the very least walk briskly enough to make you pant.
8. Analyze. Look for something constructive about the rejection. Is there anything to be learned here?
9. Look for the silver lining. Maybe the thing you thought you wanted is not really the right thing for you? Maybe you got lucky?
10. Assess. Sit down and make a list of all your good qualities. This will actually make you feel better.
11. Reassess. Sit down and make a list of all your bad qualities. Illuminating, and may also make you feel better (because there aren’t that many of them!)
12. Commiserate. Talk with (or read about) other people who’ve also had to deal with rejection. Someone is always worse off than you. Probably lots of someones.
13. Role play. Pretend you are the rejecting party. Why did you reject you?
14. Forgetaboutit. Once you’ve learned all there is to learn from the rejection, put it behind you. Do not look back.
15. Consider the source. Maybe they rejected you because they’re stupid! Would you really want to work for such dummies?
16. Don’t assume. The “problem” may not be you at all. A rejection doesn’t mean you are inadequate. You’ll never know everything that went into that (bad) decision.
17. Escape into your head. Read something funny, inspiring, absorbing, or fantastical. Or something so difficult and demanding that you are forced to concentrate.
18. Compare. Remember other times you were rejected. How long did it take you to get over them? Maybe not really that long.
19. Remember and renew. Rethink why you want what you want. Remind yourself of your priorities. Renew your commitment to pursuing your goal.
20. Congratulate yourself. Check that place off your list. Whew. Now you can stop wasting energy on a lost cause and concentrate on more promising targets.
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What a wonderful post. Thank you for writing it! I KNOW I do need to be work harder, and be more fabulous. But sometimes I get tired of hearing that.
Sometimes you’ve got to take the bulldozer to the jungle. But SOMETIMES the wiser thing to do is irrigate the desert…
Sorry I’ll miss meeting you for coffee this trip out West. Next time??
Big smile on my face. Always something fun and informative when I stop by. Great advice on all fronts…from the unabashed venting to the oh-so-comforting wrapping ourselves in love to the eventual commitment to channel all that “stuff” into a redoubled and renewed determination not to let anything stop us until we get the job we want.
I also like to remember the oft-quoted definition of insanity “Continuing to do the same thing again and again and expecting different results.” If it ain’t working, sometimes there really is something else I can do! Of course, more often than not, it just takes persistence and not letting this whole process get to us, but your step “Analyze” is key to seeing if maybe just maybe (pardon the paraphrase) the solution is in ourselves and not in our stars.
Always a pleasure, Karen.
Ronnie Ann
This list is one of my favorites for sure.
Reminds me of a fabulous friend of mine who used to say she would pout for 24 hours when things did not go well. She found it hard work to do and dropped it 75% to 6 hours only.
She couldn’t stand that either and now says she prefers to schedule the pout for a time convenient to her. In other words if at the time of the disappointment she doesn’t have the time to pout, she reschedules it.
Go figure. It keeps her sane! Is that the same as a mental health day?
Marcie