SFGirl is still on the networking/job-hunting trail.  She’s resilient and persistent–a really great example for all the rest of us working girls!

Hi Working Girl,

On vacation recently, I met two people just randomly and they gave me their cards.  One works in my industry and another in a different area but possibly related.  The contact who’s not in my industry was super nice.  She gave me the name and number of a well-connected guy who knows all about hiring, recruiters, and working with major clients on projects.  I’ve followed up and hope to hear from him soon.  We had a nice chat–she was sitting next to me on the flight home–it’s amazing how these contacts occur!

So my question: How do I build a long-term relationship with someone who works in a completely separate industry and job?  She and her husband just moved to the area recently.  Her husband also grew up in the same city my father did in China.  I wanted to invite them over for lunch, dinner, or tea.  Would that be appropriate?  What should I say when I invite her over, as in my purpose?  My original idea was just to bring like-minded people together (her husband/my dad and me/her).  But I’m starting to wonder if I should approach this with a purpose or specific goal?  Suggestions would be great!

Dear SFGirl,

Way to go on the airplane networking!  Working Girl has never been good at that–she shuns speaking with seatmates because she’s always afraid they might be nuts and she’ll be trapped talking to them for the entire flight.    

Anyway, to your question.  Your first impulse, that of bringing together like-minded people, is ample reason for an invitation.  Their being new to the area makes your gesture an extra kindness.

But you’re thinking more deeply into the possibilities of the connection, which is always smart.  And which brings us to the big networking “secret.”  We network in the hopes something good will eventually come of it.  Something good for us!

But in the moment, while we are meeting/talking/lunching/dining/tea-ing, we should be focusing on the “networkee”  and not on ourselves. 

When you network with the thought “what’s in it for me?” uppermost in your mind, it shows.  The networkee gets a sense of being used.  Yuck.  So while in the act of reaching out, focus on the networkee’s feelings and needs.  You will earn that person’s regard.  Maybe even gratitude.

You seem to be interested in these people on their own merits (the China connection).  That’s a pretty good basis for a relationship, don’t you think?  Any more of an “agenda” could sour the whole thing. 

So have a great time with your lunch, dinner, or tea.  Tea would be lovely, by the way–less of a commitment than lunch or dinner.  You want to keep things light.  Don’t overwhelm them with your hospitality and make them feel they’re in your debt!

A sweet gracious get-together with you being your own sweet gracious self.  That’s the ticket.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 22nd, 2008 at 11:33 am and is filed under ask Working Girl, career advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.